You’re Naked & Everyone is Watching…

I've been thinking about what to write, and the imposter syndrome is making its way into my stream of consciousness. Originally, I felt empowered by the fact that I have transformed my life by going inward and tuning into the fullness of my being. I am a lot of people’s “go-to gal” for advice or a listening ear. This might have something to do with my impeccable listening skills, but it has to be deeper than that. Maybe, what I have to say holds value… and if I could just be brave enough to share, I might be able to contribute something helpful and good to the world.

Sharing myself in fullness flashes me back to everything that made it difficult to be vulnerable in the first place. I’m sure I can’t be the only one who has shared something in sheer vulnerability and regretted it almost immediately. I am no stranger to the wish to suck words back in after speaking them, wanting them to return and fill the newfound pit in my stomach. It makes my face go flush with embarrassment when someone radiates with indifference after I have spoken my truth. It is painful to share something close to your heart and receive a response that feels more like judgment than understanding. Sometimes their disagreement is expressed by a slight undertone of agitation, or subtly implied with a change of tone and raise of their brow. It doesn't always need to be said plainly, to be felt… Especially for those who were conditioned to pay close attention to nonverbal clues. I am all too familiar with the cringe that accompanies speaking candidly when it is clear that I shouldn’t have. Not only do I feel criticized, but I begin to overanalyze everything I’ve shared. I torturously replay the interaction, and my inner critic feels impossible to hush. It leaves me wondering, in a time like this, are my thoughts and beliefs worth sharing? Why would I assume others might be interested in what I have to say?

As I actively work on stepping into my power, I find myself in a state of self doubt. Moments like this call for a reminder of what I know to be true about myself. I undoubtedly receive Divine Downloads of insight and wisdom… from somewhere and something higher than myself. It feels as if a thought fell from the sky into my consciousness because it wants to be shared with the person I am talking to. It doesn’t come from me, per se… but instead from some ethereal energy wanting to communicate through me. It comes forth as a loving statement, a subtle thought, word of advice, or a question to ask. It is something I have experienced since I was young, and I have only recently began to understand the gift that it is. I believe that this is partially why I am sought out by the people in my life for advice during trying times.

Following the golden rule, I try my best to show up for others in the same way that I want someone to support me. In a moment of sharing truth and vulnerability, people need the safety of active listening, and the approach of genuine curiosity, with the desire to understand rather than interject. I wish someone would’ve told me that IT IS OKAY IF YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT THE ANSWER IS… rather than coming at me with a solution to a problem that isn’t even their own. Sometimes, there isn’t an immidiate solution... And thats okay. Sometimes, things need to be felt before they can be fixed. Why do we always feel the need to have all the answers? Why do we struggle to accept that it’s totally okay and normal to feel like you don’t know who you are, where you're going, or what's next. It goes to show that most people don’t know how to cope with the natural and inevitable evolution of themselves… myself included.

It feels as if I have sleep-walked through most of my waking life. Only recently have I peeked my head out of my hermit shell… It feels incredibly exposing to be seen. Visibility feels scary as fuck, but I am choosing to free myself from the invisibility spell I have cast. I am ready to share who I am with the world, in my full authenticity. I have been on the receiving end of many books, podcasts, and content that sells the story of people who already have their life figured out. My content will be different, and who knows, it might feel refreshing to hear the perspective of someone who accepts that they will always be a work in progress. We should never stop evolving, and growth, brith, death and decay will always be a part of our story. We shed what no longer fits, and growing into who we are meant to become. A gentle reminder that there is nothing wrong with where you are RIGHT NOW. The natural ebb and flow wants to be embraced as an inevitable part of life. Life is an ever-changing event. To transform, is to embrace the human experience.

We are all entirely unique individuals, and the “social norm” is to mask the fullness of our authenticity. To be different, is to be vulnerable. To hide pieces of yourself, is to limit the expression of your being. I believe that is where the joyous journey of self-discovery begins. How do we tap back into our truest nature? I encourage you to explore your natural curiosities without reservation. Honor your inner child and remember what it feels like to creatively explore.Take the time to deeply connect with every version of you that you’ve ever been… they are the keys to unlocking your essence. Allow yourself the freedom to shamelessly express yourself, and share your truth without restraint.. Know that you have been, and always will be nothing short of whole, even in times of feeling lost. Be yourself to the fullest extent and refrain from the instinct to constrict. Allow yourself the room to evolve. Don’t be afraid of the darkness as you venture the unknown. After all, you hold the light within to navigate the terrain of your own self-understanding.

For me, starting my practice has been a leap of faith into what I fear most… Visibility and the vulnerability. By sharing my most intimate thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and struggles, I am sharing my truth, while knowing that it may not be accepted by everyone who comes across it. I am speaking my truth out in the world to be dissected. It makes me feel bare naked, and like everyone is watching. I must remind myself that EVERYONE feels this vulnerable, especially with something as fragile as a dream. Anything we create is sensitive to rejection because it carries our essence, and is an extension of our soul’s expression. When our creation is met with rejection, it feels like we, ourselves, are being chewed up and spit out. The deeper truth of rejection, is that it stems from a piece of someone that they have disowned within themselves. Rejection is never personal, but instead, a mirror that offers them an opportunity for reflection in what they have disowned within themselves.

I find myself in free-fall, trusting the Universe. I trust that those who align with me will find me, as I will find them. I trust that the law of resonance will connect me with those who I am meant to work with. Stepping into something that feels intimidating is a sign of expansion. The discomfort that accompanies evolution is something to embrace, because it means there is growth. I am so proud of myself for being brave enough to share the fullness of who I am. I am excited for the journey to follow the first step of chasing my dreams. I have something valuable to share with the world, and I intend to do so. I am safe to be seen, and even though it feels vulnerable, I know that I am divinely protected, and guided by a power higher than myself.